I was born a GenX Jersey girl and became an addict at age three when I was placed on phenobarbital for two years due to febrile seizures as was often done in the late 1960s. Growing up with a soundtrack of psychedelic vinyl and a groovy suburban backdrop gave way to grit, punk rock, rap and trauma when my single mother moved us to a NYC subsidized housing project in 1977.
With the aid of a scholarship I attended a private school on the Upper East Side of Manhattan where chauffeured kids of celebs wore Benetton and lived in buildings with doormen. I wore my color-blind hippie mother’s hand-me-downs (yes, although rare women CAN be colorblind), took a bus and rode the Roosevelt Island tramway over the East River to my building with a broken lobby lock, cinder block walls and graffiti.
As an only child and latch key kid I spent a lot of time alone after school, sometimes out on the city streets all hours of the night. Although it was a traumatic time, and drinking, smoking, food and inhalants became my way of coping, it was also filled with magical moments. I gained an incredible resilience and resolve.
It was when I took an outdoor nature survival school for a week in New Jersey, taught by the late Tom Brown Jr., after reading his book “The Tracker,” that I had a true spiritual awakening. Brown was heavily influenced by Native American spirituality. My life course was forever changed and instead of choosing to go to college in New York I left for New England at age seventeen so I could be immersed in nature. I earned a B.A. in English from the University of Maine and an M.S. in Counseling from the University of Vermont.
With each memory, I have come to realize that God was with me giving me spiritual protection, even when immersed in ugliness. I never stopped believing in goodness.
I hit rock bottom in 1994 but I’ve been rocking sobriety since then! I learned I can’t escape reality through a bottle, bubbly or living in a bubble. While living life on life’s terms can be tough, I learned I don’t have to be so tough when I have a relationship with God.
Even though I was sober and had my life on track and faith in God, I was still plagued by PTSD nightmares on a regular basis. It wasn’t until I began taking non-denominational spiritual direction from a Catholic nun that that I began to know inner peace and healing on a very deep level. Since then my nightmare frequency has been diminishing to currently under a dozen a year–a Miracle!
Although I’m a Baptized and Confirmed Episcopalian (“Catholic Light”), I consider myself more spiritual than religious. By that I mean I am not a fundamentalist, I do not go to any organized church regularly, and I focus on what I think is missing from religion: creature and creation care. It is through nature that I experience God.
I believe that all wildlife, birds, and insects have souls worthy of the same mercy God extends to us. In that spirit I made my home and woods, where I live with my husband, a Certified Wildlife Habitat as part of my devotion to being a merciful steward of God’s creation. I was inspired by the Franciscan Monastery in Kennebunk, Maine where I take meditative walks in their own sacred certified habitat.
We do not use any herbicides, pesticides, rodenticides or even organic oils which still harm beneficial pollinators.
It feels good to be good to God’s creation and living a simple, fulfilling life while also contributing to my community and donating to wildlife rescues.
Averyl 